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happy pride month

June 20, 2018

This is a very short story about a conversation I had with a [self-proclaimed] "open minded" person. 




I'm in a dingy old Irish bar in NYC. Stale beer and urinal cakes tease my nostrils. A comedian/acquaintance and I stand near the curtain that leads to the show room, and we chat over lukewarm Heinekens. 


Him: It's just like all of a sudden everyone is gay or trans, cuz it's trendy. 

Me: Are you coming out to me?

Him: Hell no!


He takes me seriously? Really? Fine, then I'll bring up the truth.


Me: Oh man. I was hoping you were gay, so I wouldn't have to avoid you when you get drunk and handsy.


That's what he laughs at. Well, I hope it's because he recognizes it as the truth and maybe gets the hint to stop.


Me: Maybe these people who are 'suddenly' gay have been gay the whole time, but now they finally feel comfortable acknowledging it -- like they don't have to be ashamed anymore, you know?

Him: It's just -- I'm an open minded person, but I just don't need to hear about it all the time.

Me: Maybe they felt the same way every time they had to sit through a movie and pretend to be invested in the sexual possibility of the heterosexual couple f*cking?

Him: It always gets political with you.

Me: If by "political" you mean "empathetic," then suuuuuuure. Now if you'll excuse me, that's your second Heineken. It's about time I go find myself some 'gays' so I can feel safe.