This is a very short story about a conversation I had with a [self-proclaimed] "open minded" person.
I'm in a dingy old Irish bar in NYC. Stale beer and urinal cakes tease my nostrils. A comedian/acquaintance and I stand near the curtain that leads to the show room, and we chat over lukewarm Heinekens.
Him: It's just like all of a sudden everyone is gay or trans, cuz it's trendy.
Me: Are you coming out to me?
Him: Hell no!
He takes me seriously? Really? Fine, then I'll bring up the truth.
Me: Oh man. I was hoping you were gay, so I wouldn't have to avoid you when you get drunk and handsy.
That's what he laughs at. Well, I hope it's because he recognizes it as the truth and maybe gets the hint to stop.
Me: Maybe these people who are 'suddenly' gay have been gay the whole time, but now they finally feel comfortable acknowledging it -- like they don't have to be ashamed anymore, you know?
Him: It's just -- I'm an open minded person, but I just don't need to hear about it all the time.
Me: Maybe they felt the same way every time they had to sit through a movie and pretend to be invested in the sexual possibility of the heterosexual couple f*cking?
Him: It always gets political with you.
Me: If by "political" you mean "empathetic," then suuuuuuure. Now if you'll excuse me, that's your second Heineken. It's about time I go find myself some 'gays' so I can feel safe.